Bifpadnad is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unfair aardvark.

Bifpadnad created the world seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifpadnad, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bifpadnad, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bifpadnad's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Bifpadnad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never laugh near frogs.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not dye your hair red.