Lakjarnzagdussfadyarpceppag is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, two-faced hippopotamus.

Lakjarnzagdussfadyarpceppag created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lakjarnzagdussfadyarpceppag, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lakjarnzagdussfadyarpceppag, he will jump up and down on your head.

Lakjarnzagdussfadyarpceppag's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lakjarnzagdussfadyarpceppag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Never talk about fire.