Bifgessjop is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking aardvark.

Bifgessjop created the Large Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifgessjop, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bifgessjop, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Bifgessjop's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Bifgessjop's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five swans approach from the south.

2. Bifgessjop must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Bifgessjop loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

5. Always help ducks.