Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, charitable dove.

Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg created matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg, he will turn you into a rock.

Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg six times a day.

2. Never go into violet rooms.

3. Retreat if four bats approach from the south.

4. Run away if five pigs approach from the east.

5. Erect a large lead sculpture of Banpakzogjanlimcissqueeg on top of all buildings.