Kabtomtof is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, proud snail.

Kabtomtof created the planet Earth three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabtomtof, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kabtomtof, she will strike you with lightening.

Kabtomtof's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Kabtomtof's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never eat bread.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.