Hatmetcum is a god.

He takes the form of a small, amazing swallow.

Hatmetcum created a strange quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatmetcum, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Hatmetcum, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hatmetcum's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hatmetcum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Worship no other gods but Hatmetcum.

4. Retreat if eight nematodes approach from the south.

5. Do not chop down trees.