Quartflatpark is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, generous dog.

Quartflatpark created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartflatpark, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quartflatpark, he will have a low opinion of you.

Quartflatpark's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Quartflatpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about otters.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never talk about chromosomes.

4. Erect a giant white sculpture of Quartflatpark in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.