Bitzenmat is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, deceitful human.

Bitzenmat created gold six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitzenmat, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bitzenmat, he will not invite you to parties.

Bitzenmat's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Bitzenmat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Hide if six mites approach from the north.

3. Dogs are not to be trusted.

4. Never eat cucumbers.

5. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.