Quartdudfun is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, wise tortoise.

Quartdudfun created parasitic wasps eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartdudfun, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quartdudfun, he will destroy your home planet.

Quartdudfun's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Quartdudfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo ear rings.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.