Wonmutcunlamyim is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, weak penguin.

Wonmutcunlamyim created oxygen six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wonmutcunlamyim, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wonmutcunlamyim, he will turn you into a rock.

Wonmutcunlamyim's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Wonmutcunlamyim's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Wonmutcunlamyim.

2. Birds are not to be trusted.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Wonmutcunlamyim on top of all buildings.

5. Always wear indigo.