Arplunomtsugyimshav is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, kind jellyfish.

Arplunomtsugyimshav created bats three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arplunomtsugyimshav, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Arplunomtsugyimshav, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Arplunomtsugyimshav's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Arplunomtsugyimshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of lemons to birds while wearing magenta kilts.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not keep nine mice in a large pit.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not kill dolphins.