Dogtinbum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, quiet faun.

Dogtinbum created a top quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Dogtinbum, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Dogtinbum, she will turn you into a goat.

Dogtinbum's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Dogtinbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime.

2. Never think ill of sick sharks.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

4. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.