Fossnurttan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, slow mole.

Fossnurttan created a photon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fossnurttan, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Fossnurttan, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fossnurttan's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Fossnurttan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about bacteria.

2. Do not wear orange clothing.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.