Cutcedlamlik is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, weak elephant.

Cutcedlamlik created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutcedlamlik, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cutcedlamlik, she will come to you in dreams.

Cutcedlamlik's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Cutcedlamlik's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never laugh in the presence of snails.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Put Cutcedlamlik first in all things.

5. Pray towards the east.