Vonkwonyim Tanmatpag Zimhas is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, compassionate squirrel.

Vonkwonyim Tanmatpag Zimhas created tapeworms five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkwonyim Tanmatpag Zimhas, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonkwonyim Tanmatpag Zimhas, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Vonkwonyim Tanmatpag Zimhas' most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Vonkwonyim Tanmatpag Zimhas' Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Never bounce in holy places.