Yarptofkem is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, amazing dolphin.

Yarptofkem created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarptofkem, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Yarptofkem, she will turn you into a worm.

Yarptofkem's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Yarptofkem's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not shave your legs.

3. Do not kill badgers.

4. Never eat peas.

5. Fast once a month.