Pastinnarl is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic owl.

Pastinnarl created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Pastinnarl, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pastinnarl, she will turn you into a sheep.

Pastinnarl's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Pastinnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Never talk about manatees.

3. Never wear scarves.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never talk about gravity.