Hak is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, generous salamander.

Hak created a top quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hak, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hak, he will refuse to believe in you.

Hak's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Hak's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise boots.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never mention rats.