Tomquillren is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, ruthless toad.

Tomquillren created light five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomquillren, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tomquillren, he will make you grow a tail.

Tomquillren's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Tomquillren's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Tomquillren's priests.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. You must never eat oranges.

4. Never jump in the presence of ducks.

5. Always look after injured pigs.