Hotbarncatbess is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, ruthless crane.

Hotbarncatbess created energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hotbarncatbess, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hotbarncatbess, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hotbarncatbess' most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Hotbarncatbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never eat aubergines.

5. Never think about ribonucleic acid.