Nilcumjin is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, conceited squirrel.

Nilcumjin created oxygen five million years ago.

If you believe in Nilcumjin, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nilcumjin, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Nilcumjin's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Nilcumjin's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate frogs.

2. Always help birds.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. You must never eat onions.