Stanquillgeb is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, happy narwhal.

Stanquillgeb created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Stanquillgeb, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Stanquillgeb, it will turn you into a puffin.

Stanquillgeb's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Stanquillgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Always help rats in need.

2. Hide from black mites for they are unholy.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

5. You must love Stanquillgeb.