Timtonkmetjadlatarnham is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, caring pig.

Timtonkmetjadlatarnham created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Timtonkmetjadlatarnham, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Timtonkmetjadlatarnham, she will destroy your home solar system.

Timtonkmetjadlatarnham's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Timtonkmetjadlatarnham's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.