Sisjamhotfag Quagvencam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, strong narwhal.

Sisjamhotfag Quagvencam created an electron nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sisjamhotfag Quagvencam, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Sisjamhotfag Quagvencam, she will destroy your home planet.

Sisjamhotfag Quagvencam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Sisjamhotfag Quagvencam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Feed all hungry seals.

5. Always treat goats with great respect.