Dotvagbap is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, omniscient snail.

Dotvagbap created the cosmos five million years ago.

If you believe in Dotvagbap, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dotvagbap, it will torture you forever.

Dotvagbap's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dotvagbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about moons.

2. Never sing in the presence of doves.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always help sick tapirs.

5. Never eat green fruit.