Pinpanpanglap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, generous hydra.

Pinpanpanglap created viruses eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pinpanpanglap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Pinpanpanglap, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Pinpanpanglap's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Pinpanpanglap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Pinpanpanglap on top of all buildings.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Retreat if three turtles approach from the west.

5. Do not shave your arms.