Yartkemnurlcut is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, slow wyrm.

Yartkemnurlcut created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yartkemnurlcut, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yartkemnurlcut, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yartkemnurlcut's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Yartkemnurlcut's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Worship no other gods but Yartkemnurlcut.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never write about galaxies.