Quatsaffag is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, charitable seal.

Quatsaffag created an up quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatsaffag, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quatsaffag, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Quatsaffag's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Quatsaffag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Put Quatsaffag first in all things.