Metvinhak is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, unthinking zebra.

Metvinhak created light five million years ago.

If you believe in Metvinhak, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Metvinhak, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Metvinhak's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Metvinhak's Holy Commandments

1. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Never go into magenta rooms.

4. Never feed lots of peas to swans while wearing orange shoes.

5. Feed all hungry snails.