Laknurlkipkad is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unselfish clam.

Laknurlkipkad created humanity three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laknurlkipkad, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Laknurlkipkad, she will ignore you.

Laknurlkipkad's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Laknurlkipkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no rats in a room before entering it.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Erect seven aluminium sculptures of Laknurlkipkad on top of important buildings.

5. Never eat beans.