Bastfebbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, self-confident hydra.

Bastfebbonk created the Cigar Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastfebbonk, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bastfebbonk, he will curse you with boils.

Bastfebbonk's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Bastfebbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always obey Bastfebbonk's priests.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Run away from mauve otters, for they are unholy.