Mapvolquatstig Quatdusslad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, stupid clam.

Mapvolquatstig Quatdusslad created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mapvolquatstig Quatdusslad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Mapvolquatstig Quatdusslad, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Mapvolquatstig Quatdusslad's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Mapvolquatstig Quatdusslad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism.

2. Run away if six doves approach from the east.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not speak about lentils.

5. Always treat hamsters with great respect.