Xucbutgam is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest frog.

Xucbutgam created gold nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucbutgam, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xucbutgam, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Xucbutgam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Xucbutgam's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Xucbutgam.

2. Erect five silicon sculptures of Xucbutgam on top of important buildings.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Hide if eight pigs approach from the north.