Barnquatrut is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, able eagle.

Barnquatrut created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnquatrut, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Barnquatrut, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Barnquatrut's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Barnquatrut's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never talk about porpoises.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always treat mice with great respect.

5. Do not chop down trees.