Bamkipdam is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, almighty crab.

Bamkipdam created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Bamkipdam, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bamkipdam, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bamkipdam's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bamkipdam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not speak about turnips.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not kill seals.

5. Feed all hungry eagles.