Hasrowik Hugwit is a god.

She takes the form of a large, unthoughtful octopus.

Hasrowik Hugwit created the world six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasrowik Hugwit, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hasrowik Hugwit, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hasrowik Hugwit's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Hasrowik Hugwit's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never mention tortoises.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Always obey Hasrowik Hugwit's priests.

5. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Hasrowik Hugwit on top of all buildings.