Xucontfutkin Faryogcar is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, prudent human.

Xucontfutkin Faryogcar created bats three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucontfutkin Faryogcar, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xucontfutkin Faryogcar, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Xucontfutkin Faryogcar's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Xucontfutkin Faryogcar's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never sprint near manatees.

5. You must pray to Xucontfutkin Faryogcar nine times a day.