Flatquamflis is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, selfish shrew.

Flatquamflis created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatquamflis, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Flatquamflis, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Flatquamflis' most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Flatquamflis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear pink clothing.

2. Never feed wheat to goats while wearing trousers.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

5. Feed all hungry turtles.