Vadbenvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, annoying crane.

Vadbenvonk created the Sun six million years ago.

If you believe in Vadbenvonk, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Vadbenvonk, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Vadbenvonk's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vadbenvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into indigo rooms.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Vadbenvonk in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

5. Never write about chlorophyll.