Lapdublabhad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, generous ant.

Lapdublabhad created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Lapdublabhad, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lapdublabhad, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lapdublabhad's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Lapdublabhad's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Lapdublabhad.

2. Never write about special relativity.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lapdublabhad.

5. Never feed oranges to great tits while wearing skirts.