Cempanfom is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, stupid dog.

Cempanfom created Africa twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cempanfom, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cempanfom, he will turn you into a rock.

Cempanfom's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Cempanfom's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry otters.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory.

3. Do not keep six hamsters in a large pit.

4. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Cempanfom in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not listen to music.