Cidwatpak is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humorless faun.

Cidwatpak created life three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cidwatpak, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cidwatpak, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Cidwatpak's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Cidwatpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not dye your hair yellow.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.