Yartarfpanstik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-knowing turtle.

Yartarfpanstik created the Milkyway five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartarfpanstik, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yartarfpanstik, she will turn you into a frog.

Yartarfpanstik's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Yartarfpanstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Never write about comets.