Vonknanvan is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, omnipotent finch.

Vonknanvan created the world five billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonknanvan, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vonknanvan, he will turn you into a snail.

Vonknanvan's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Vonknanvan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Vonknanvan's priests.

2. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always help rats in need.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.