Gamflaptap is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, omnipotent gorilla.

Gamflaptap created Africa five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gamflaptap, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gamflaptap, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gamflaptap's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Gamflaptap's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Worship no other gods but Gamflaptap.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not wear indigo clothing.

5. Never paint your face purple.