Cadcutmin is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, almighty clam.

Cadcutmin created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cadcutmin, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cadcutmin, she will not care.

Cadcutmin's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Cadcutmin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never mention manatees.

3. Never hurt swans.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cadcutmin.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.