Tiftimpid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, grumpy zebra.

Tiftimpid created the Virgo Supercluster five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiftimpid, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tiftimpid, she will manifest in front of you.

Tiftimpid's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tiftimpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near eagles while wearing yellow shirts.

3. Hide if four frogs approach from the north.

4. Do not eat gooseberries.

5. Never write about quantum mechanics.