Flatbatgon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, duplicitous tapir.

Flatbatgon created the Whirlpool Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatbatgon, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Flatbatgon, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Flatbatgon's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Flatbatgon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always help seals in need.