Gofciddaghim is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, merciless tortoise.

Gofciddaghim created an up quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofciddaghim, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gofciddaghim, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gofciddaghim's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Gofciddaghim's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.