Zodlinlig is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, benevolent tapir.

Zodlinlig created energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodlinlig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zodlinlig, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Zodlinlig's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Zodlinlig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not eat peanuts.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never go into gray rooms.